The Monster Under The Bed
by Trishata96
Summary: Liara and John Shepard decide to spend a rare evening together three years after the birth of their daughter, Juno. The Normandy crew, now under Spectre Alenko's command, happily offer to baby-sit. Though when Juno has a nightmare in the middle of the night, some of the crew decide to have words with the monster. POST ME3.


**Liara and John Shepard decide to spend a rare evening together three years after the birth of their daughter, Juno. The Normandy crew, now under Spectre Alenko's command, happily offer to baby-sit. Though when Juno has a nightmare in the middle of the night, some of the crew decide to have words with the monster. Post ME3.**

* * *

"Uh oh! Here comes trouble." announced Joker loudly as he spied Shepard and Liara approaching the ship's airlock. There was a sigh from behind him as Major Commander Alenko rolled his eyes.

"Yes Joker, we know. In fact we have known for a week that they were coming."

"Yeah but remember. Stuff tends to blow up around Shepard, you know, buildings, ships, machines…" Kaidan stopped Joker from continuing by gently cuffing him over the back of the head, though that didn't stop Joker from feigning injury. There was a fury of footsteps behind him as all of the crew from the Reaper War got in place to see their old commander and their adored niece, Juno.

Understandably after the Reapers had been defeated, Shepard had thrown in the towel and was now the Human Councillor. Of course he had to resign as a spectre too, but John had had enough of fighting and wanted to settle down with Liara, who was then pregnant with Juno. Another thing Shepard had done was relinquish command of the Normandy to Kaidan. Three years later, Kaidan had grown used to the role.

There was a beep from the airlock and it opened, revealing Shepard wearing a Tuxedo and Liara in an extravagant green dress, In-between them ,dressed in a lavender shirt and jeans was Juno, Blasto the Hanar plushie held tight. Juno's face lit up and she let go of her father's hand and ran towards Kaidan.

"Uncle Kai!" Kaidan happily scooped his adored niece up, chuckling to himself. Smiling Liara and Shepard began greeting the crew, John pausing to high-five Joker, while Tali and Liara began doing the age old, universal custom of girl talk. Reluctantly Kaidan let Juno go around the vast number of her aunts, uncles and Grandma.

"So where is the anniversary, Loco?" Asked Vega, bouncing Juno.

"L'eterno Rosa. That Italian restaurant that mixes Asari and Italian food together." Explained John, handing a satchel to Kaidan containing Juno's Pj's, spare clothes and colouring book.

"That's a point John, we should get going." Liara hooked an arm though John's and began dragging him to the airlock, after giving Juno a kiss and telling her to be a good girl.

"Oh er sure, Liara. Look Kaidan, just make sure she gets to bed early as she's gotten into the habit of staying up late, make sure she doesn't eat cheese last thing before bed…ow." Shepard gave an indignant squawk as his wife pushed him out of the ship.

"Really John, stop fussing over her." She muttered, exasperated. "Kaidan, there's a data pad in the bag with all the instructions I knew John would sprout. There are times where I wonder if he's the hen pecking mother." Saying their farewells, Juno's parents headed out. Vega stood in the airlock doorway and waved with Juno to the couple. Soon as they were out of sight, Vega did an evil grin.

" Hey Blu Pequeña . What trouble do you want to cause?" Juno returned the evil smile.

"Can we prank uncle Joker again?" She asked.

"Hey! I'm right here you know!" Everyone laughed. Tali and Garrus shook their heads, the couple laughing quietly. Tali was still an admiral in the Migrant fleet, though she mainly worked as an ambassador to the Turians, an excellent choice as Garrus was her husband. Juno dropped down from Vega and hugged the pilot.

"Only joking." For the next hour Juno played with her various aunts and uncles, taking a break to do her homework with Grandma Chakwas. Soon it was time for a certain Asari's bedtime. Juno tried pouting and puppy eyes to get out of bedtime but Kaidan knew every trick in the book. He'd baby-sited a few times for his best friends already over the years. Tali took Juno off to get her bathed and dressed for bed. Soon the girl was running around hugging or kissing everyone good night. EDI, Adams, Engineers Mr & Mrs Donnelly, Cortez and Traynor all were hugged. Then Kaidan took her up to the loft and tucked her up in his bed, Blasto's tentacles wrapped around Juno's arm. Bidding her good night, Kaidan turned the lights off and went down to the mess.

Around midnight he, Garrus, Joker, Vega and EDI were the only ones still awake and were chatting in the mess hall.

"You know, me and Tali are thinking having a kid or two." Announced Garrus. " We already checked with Chakwas and the doc says it's possible."

"Good on you Garrus! Soon criminals will rue the day Varkarian Nar Normandy was born as he or she begins the crusade against evil." Spoke Joker in a mocking speech voice, dramatically shaking his fist. Everyone chuckled including Garrus.

"Now you mention it… yes I can actually see that happening. A shotgun toting vigilante. As long as Varkarian Jr. avoids gunship missiles." Said Garrus, taking a swig of Dextro-beer. There was another round of laughter. EDI rested her head on Joker's shoulder, absentmindedly playing with a strand of her 'hair'. Since about a year or two ago, EDI had started getting inventive with her hair, deviating from her 'protective helmet' to different styles. At the moment she had settled on a tight bun. For a moment her eyes widened and she sat straight up.

"Hey EDI, what's wrong?" Asked Joker, his question was answered by the lift door opening and a crying Juno running straight for Kaidan. The Asari quickly curled up in Kaidan's arms and he tried to soothe her. The man instantly became serious, trying to figure out what had his little niece so upset.

"Hey Juno. What wrong, love? Nightmare?" Juno wiped her eyes on her sleeve, sniffing and shook her head. "Then what is it?"

"There's a monster under the bed." Sniffed Juno, holding Blasto close to her chest. Both Garrus and EDI cocked their heads in confusion. EDI seemed to faze out as she did a scan of the loft and an extranet search for monsters under the bed. Vega quickly mouthed to Garrus not to ask. "It was trying to eat me."

"What did it look like Juno?" Asked Kaidan, trying to remember whether there was anything about monsters under the bed on the data pad Liara had given him.

"It had green fur and long claws. It was as big as Uncle Vega." EDI suddenly stood up and beckoned for Garrus and Vega to follow her. Ignoring them leaving, Kaidan continued to speak to Juno.

"Is this the first time?"

"No. But the first time Mummy kicked it out of the house. Afterwards daddy gave me a boom stick and said it'd keep it away. But I forgot to pack it…" Juno trailed off with a confused look on her face as she watched EDI, Garrus and Vega come back into the room, loading weapons.

"Right. Juno, would you like to come and listen as we have words with this monster?" Asked EDI. Juno nodded her head, still clinging to Kaidan, not noticing the shocked looks on her uncle's faces.

"Don't worry Alenko, we'll try not to wreck your place too much." Muttered Garrus. Slowly shaking his head in despair, Kaidan followed them up to the loft, carrying Juno, and Joker trailing behind.

"Aunt EDI. Be careful. It eats anything." EDI gave Juno a reassuring smile then nodded to Garrus to open the door to Kaidan's quarters. The trio swiftly moved in, the door shutting behind them. Yet they could still hear the three of them talking.

"So who's gonna check under the bed?" Asked Vega nervously.

"Not me. Green fur, big claws that can most properly tear though armour. I volunteer you James."

"Oh very funny Garrus. You can do it you big scaredy cat." There was an audible sigh from EDI.

" I am surrounded by children." She muttered, then loudly announced she'd look under the bed. There was a sharp intake of breath from Juno as the tension began to mount. Suddenly there was a loud scream from EDI and panicked shouting from Vega and Garrus. Joker started towards the door.

"Argh! Kill it! Kill it with fire!" Screamed Garrus while Vega began yelling in Spanish.

"Muere montruo!" There were several shots, then silence. On instinct, Kaidan handed Juno to Joker and flaring his biotics, went to open the door.

Yet well before he pressed the button, it opened to reveal Vega supporting EDI, who looked quite dazed. Joker put down Juno and went to check on her.

"I'm okay Jeff. I underestimated the monster. It just scared me, I think I ought to lie down." Then Garrus came out dragging something wrapped up in a spare bed sheets, the Turian panting heavily.

"Just when I thought I knew everything about you humans, you reveal you have these things hiding under your beds!" He muttered angrily, mainly to himself.

"Well, Major it's all been sorted, we didn't make a mess, so now little Juno can sleep." Said Vega, a lop sided grin on his face as he attempted to ruffle Juno's tentacles. Silently chuckling to himself, Kaidan lead Juno back in and tucked her in. Though Kaidan did note that his desk chair had vanished along with some of the couch cushions.

"Uncle Kai?"

"Yes Juno?" Kaidan righted the bedside lamp and the pictures.

"Can you stay? In case it comes back." She asked. Kaidan looked into the green eyes still full of fear.

"Of course little blue. In fact…" Kaidan reached into his bedside drawer and removed his pistol (without a thermal clip in of course. John would have murdered him otherwise). " You can use my boom stick just in case." Juno took it and tucked it under the pillow. The Asari began to settle down to sleep while Kaidan dragged a chair over to the bed. Soon his head drooped and he began to gently snore.

* * *

Everyone refrained from laughing as Kaidan came into the mess hall, carrying an equally sleepy Juno. The biotic's hair was slightly messed up and his shirt untucked. The crew giggled when both Kaidan and Juno yawned at the same time. By now everyone had heard of EDI, Garrus and Vega's triumph against the monster under the bed. Kaidan handed Juno to Tali, while he sorted out Juno's breakfast and himself some coffee. By the time everyone had finished their breakfast they were listening to Vega boasting and saying that Garrus screamed like a girl, which was heavily denied.

Suddenly Juno woke up and beamed. "MUMMY! DADDY!" She yelled excitedly and a bit too loud for the morning then ran towards her parents who'd appeared, in casual clothing. Immediately the girl began babbling away to her mother about how heroic Uncles Garrus, Vega and Auntie EDI were last night. Shepard just laughed and went over to Kaidan.

"Well I see everything went okay. You're still intact." He commented. With a wry grin on his face Kaidan came up with the perfect retort.

"I could say the same about you. You haven't been mind flayed and killed by an Asari commando unit." The two best friends began laughing, though stopped when they heard Liara speaking after a poor imitation of Garrus screaming from Vega.

"At least it wasn't as bad as John's screaming. Remember that Juno."

"Oh god. Liara do not tell them." John blurted, having gone very pale.

"Can I ,mummy?" Juno didn't wait for an answer and began telling everyone about the first time the monster tried to eat her.

"Daddy said he'd sort it out. Saying…" Juno deepened her voice. "I am Commander John Shepard. I have saved the universe three times. I'm not scared of anything." Shepard had begun shaking his head. Sympathetically Kaidan hugged the man to comfort him.

"Oh Juno. Please let me do Daddy's scream." Begged Liara, clearly enjoying her husband's despair. "Anyway John goes into Juno's room, five seconds later he comes out screaming and hides behind me. Here's how he screamed." Liara then did a high pitched, girly scream. That was the last straw for the crew as they all began howling with laughter. Even Kaidan couldn't help himself. So there he was trying to comfort his best friend, yet was laughing at John's misfortune.

"I hate you all." Grumbled John. Soon Kaidan had to leave to try and control his laughter, so he went to the starboard observation deck. After a while he'd managed to get down to chuckles.

"There you are Kai." Came Cortez's voice as the pilot wrapped his arms around Kaidan's waist before pressing his lips against Kaidan's neck. Alenko happily turned around and put his arms around Steve's neck.

"Hey Steve." He muttered, resting his forehead against his lover's. Nobody on the ship knew they were together, well except EDI, though she'd promised not to tell. Somehow for the past year and a half, Kaidan and Cortez had kept their relationship a secret and it had proven a lot more easier than they thought.

"So, finished laughing at John's dignity began ripped to shreds?" Asked Cortez with a light-hearted chuckle.

"Yes I am and do you blame me?" Replied Kaidan, arching an eyebrow.

"No, I had to go back to the shuttle to calm down."

"Everyone else?"

"Still teasing poor Shepard." A dirt thought crossed Kaidan's mind. He shouldn't but… Kaidan pulled Cortez a little closer.

"Even Vega?" He asked in a husky tone. Steve knew him all too well.

"Yes, even Vega. We could ask EDI to let us know when someone else is in the cargo bay…"

"Hmm. I like the way you think." Chuckling to themselves, they leaned forward to kiss, their lips just touched when Kaidan heard the door open. The two men froze and looked at the door.

"EWWW!" Cried Juno playfully as she ran back to the mess hall. Both Kaidan and Steve quickly ran after her. Though the damage was done, already Juno was singing a tune to her father.

"Kaidan and Steve sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G" Immediately the room fell silent and every pair of eyes settled on Steve and Kaidan, who had turned bright red. Everyone looked genuinely surprised except EDI and Liara. Well, Liara was the Shadow Broker so Kaidan wouldn't be surprised if it turned that she knew for a while. There was maniac grin on Shepard's face as he began to sing with his daughter, crew members slowly joining in.

_Kaidan and Steve_  
_sitting in the tree_  
_K-I-S-S-I-N-G_  
_First comes love_  
_Second come marriage_  
_Then comes Joker_ _(Hey!)_  
_in a baby carriage_

By the end Kaidan was trying to hide his face in shame while Steve laughed. After a while he muttered:

"I hate you all!"

* * *

**Yeah, Kaidan and Cortez I secretly (not anymore) ship, they just seem ,well, right for each other.**

**Vega's Spanish in order was Blue girl and Die Monster. Spanish was edited after Wolfgirl-Valentine pointed out my mistakes, so thanks!  
**


End file.
